Naikan Reflection on a Wife

A man reflects on his relationship to his wife for the past three months.

What did I receive from her?

  1. She came to Los Angeles with me to visit my parents
  2. For my birthday I received a book, a travel umbrella and a lovely pasta dinner
  3. She picked me up at the train station when I returned from a business trip
  4. On the return trip from L.A. she drove more than half the time when I was feeling tired
  5. She helped me wash and wax my car
  6. She exercises and eats healthful food, thereby continuing to be an attractive, strong and healthy partner
  7. She washed, dried and put away my clothes at least twenty times
  8. I received her sexual affection and attention on at least 25 occasions
  9. She took responsibility for contraception whenever we made love to each other
  10. She handled the financial responsibilities of paying the bills and balancing the checkbook
  11. One evening when we were trying to decide which movie to see she agreed to see the movie she knew I preferred
  12. She wrote a nice letter to my father
  13. She took telephone messages for me when I was away on business
  14. She ironed my shirt for me when I was late for work
  15. She took care of sending a wedding present to friends of ours who live overseas
  16. She makes the bed nearly every morning
  17. She cleaned the house thoroughly when I had a business associate coming by
  18. She took the cat to the animal hospital for her shots
  19. She gave me an aspirin when I had a headache and rubbed my shoulders
  20. She helped me pack for my business trip and hung my coat up and put away my clothes when I returned

What did I give to her?

  1. I gave her a new raincoat and a stopwatch for keeping track of her running time
  2. I gave her a rose when she picked me up at the train station
  3. I gave her some cookies when I returned from the trip
  4. I visited a friend of hers in the hospital
  5. I made copies of some photos she liked
  6. I washed her clothes four times and took some dresses to the cleaners for her
  7. I expressed mailed some important documents for her
  8. I gave her two back massages

What troubles and difficulties did I cause her?

  1. I incorrectly washed one of her blouses and the color faded
  2. I expressed frustration at her when I got lost while we were driving
  3. Because she went to L.A. with me she had to work late several nights to finish a project before our trip
  4. I argued with her about the merits of a book she read which was frustrating for her
  5. I caused her to be late for work one morning
  6. I caused her trouble by giving her cookies when she’s trying to eat only healthful food
  7. I criticized her several times about how she handled a situation at work
  8. I woke her up when I called her late at night during my business trip
  9. I interrupted her at work six times by calling her
  10. I acted angry toward her when whe arrived late for dinner and claimed that the dinner was ruined, even though it wasn’t
  11. My train was late, causing her to wait an extra 25 minutes for me
  12. I flirted with a woman at a conference which would have upset her if she knew. I deceived her by not mentioning it to her
  13. I ate the last piece of leftover Lasagna one night when she had set it aside for her lunch the following day
  14. I bought the wrong ingredient for a holiday dinner she was preparing and she had to make an extra trip to the store to get it
  15. I took the library card from her purse to check out a book and didn’t return it. Then she went to the library and discovered the her card was missing and thought she lost it

More about Naikan...

  1. What is Naikan?
  2. The Importance of Self-reflection
  3. How to Practice Naikan Reflection
  4. Examples of Naikan Reflection



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